This is Fiction, not fanfiction. I don't know where to put it but anyway...
I'm not a professional, so will be mistakes in grammar spelling, and I'm not great on details. T_T

Title: Love of Bloodsuckers
Complete: No
Genre: Romance/Supernatural/Horror?
Rating: Older Teen (May Contain Smut in later chapters. I will give a warning if a chapter is smutty.)
POV: 1st (Sorry I tend to put most my stories in first person, but I hope you still read it!)

Intros on Characters:

Nami Yasuki: She's telling the story. What she looks like, you can imagine her looks, but if you like to know, she has light brown/dark blond hair just pass her shoulders, green eyes, and is about five foot 2-1/2 inches.

Lin: He's, well, the hero? Has an interest in Nami. Only out at night. He has long black hair almost to his waist, blue eyes, and pale. Over 6foot tall.

Ken: He's a friend of Lin. He has shoulder length brown hair, and brown eyes. He watches the house in the day time. He's 6foot, shorter than Lin.

Mori: A friend/rivel of Lin's. Very, uh, well, he's just a playboy. Long silver hair pass his waist, slightly wavy, green eyes, and as tall as Lin.

Mrs. Hewitt: The old landlady of the apartment where Nami lives. Always persusing Nami to marry and give up on college, prefrebly her grandson Ted.

Ted Hewitt: The landlady's grandson. Annoying, pervert, and stalker. I won't waste my time on describing him, here.

Rafe: ???? Who is this? He appears in Chapter 8.

Gene: ???? HE appears in Chapter 8

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Love of Bloodsuckers
Ruth Minamino

Chapter One

It was getting dark when I was walking home, that night. I was going home after work. I always feel awkward walking at night, alone. Oh, please don't let a pervert stalk me or rape me, I thought walking down a dark street. Only a few street lights, and the full moon lighted the way. My name is Nami Yasuki. I go to college and work part time after classes.

When I go home at night, to my one room apartment, I pass a big mansion on the other side of the road. It's kind of odd. It's been there, for a long time I guess. It has been abandoned for years, I was told by my landlady. I stopped and looked at it. Usually no one lived there, but lights were on.

"Candle lights?" I said, looking at the mansion. It looks eerie at night, and eerie in the daytime also. Did someone move in?, I thought. I saw some shadows move inside. I counted, 1, 2, and 3 shadows. So, someone did move in. I wonder if I'll meet them, in the morning?

I went into my apartment. I studied for a test, that was tomorrow. I sighed as I sat down, and read the book. I have been having a little trouble in, Physics, and I need to pass this exam to build my grade back up. If I don't I'll have to retake it. Then I heard a scream. I suddenly jumped, "What the?!". I looked out my window, and saw nothing. "Hm, must be my imagination, or the studying." I laughed as I went back to study.

Suddenly I felt a presence. I looked around, nothing. I went back to studying. Again I felt something, I looked at the window, and saw nothing but darkness. I put it off as my mind playing tricks on me. After studying, I took a shower, and got ready for bed. As I try to sleep, I heard noises, eerie sounds. I finally fell asleep.

"Did you hear noises last night?" I asked a neighbor, as I lock my door, about to leave for classes. "No, I didn't." the lady replied. "Oh, it must of been my imagination then. Sorry for the trouble, Bye!" I said, waving as I walk to classes. "It's ok." the lady yelled.

I passed my exam. The teacher said I barely passed, but I still need to improve. "That's great." I mumbled as I cleaned off a table at work. It's a regular diner. "It gets dark early, now." one of the customer said. "Yeah. Thank you and Come again!" I laughed. The customer leaves, laughing.

I went to another table, to clean it. I heard the bell chime, when the door opens. "Welcome!" I yelled as I put dirty glasses in the busboy bin. No one reply. I felt as though there was someone behind me. I looked and saw nothing. "Mm, I thought someone came in?" I said, then I went back to cleaning the table, and thought it was my imagination again.

I walked home that night, thinking, am I going crazy or something? I looked up at the night sky. I stopped. The stars were twinkling. "So pretty." I said softly.

I saw something fly across the sky. "Cool. Is that a bat?" I asked myself. "Yes." a deep voice replied. I quickly looked around. I saw a figure standing against the wall from me.

The tall figure, was dressed in black. His hair was long and black. I couldn't see his face. "Yes, I thought so. Thank you. Bye!" I said, walking quickly away to home. He might be a pervert or something, I thought. I looked back and he was gone. "Huh?!" I said stopping. He's gone!

Then I heard a squeaking noise from above. I looked, and saw two bats hanging upside down from a pipe. "Well, aren't you two cute." I laughed, walking away. At least it was bats instead of perverts, I thought.

I got home, with bats squeaking above me. I looked up, unlocking my door, and saw two bats flying around in the sky. Then they landed on the roof of the old mansion. Candle lights were flickering inside. I walked into my apartment, locking the door behind me.

I wonder who was that guy, I thought as I got ready for bed. He disappeared before I could ask him anything. As I try to sleep, more eerie sounds were heard from the mansion, and outside.


End of Chapter 1......





You can read chapter 1-8 at my wordpress site!
Love of Bloodsuckers

I said it was so-so, but that may be because I haven't read enough to get used to the characters.

Your story seems to follow an "And then" format, bascially saying something then going on to the next part with little to now description.

Your paragraphs are short and your passages lack descriptions. A good rule that my teacher gave us to help with adding descriptions is that you should have at least two similies or metaphors in each chapter.

Sorry if I'm so harsh...

That's okay. Thanks.
I know I need to put more details and stuff in it. But, it's hard to remember what I was taught so long ago in English class. I don't remember what a metaphor is or whatnot, I remember being taught that but I just can't remember. It's been at least 10 years since I grad from H.S. And I wasn't exactly straight A's in English class, I barely passed it. >.<
I guess that's why I'm not really into going and having any of them published cause I'm just not that great, and I don't really care for going pro writer. I love writing, though.

Well, as long as you love writing continue to write! I support you all the way (as I myself am an aspiring author).

And a metaphor is a direct comparison without using like or as. Example: The road was a ribbon of moonlight
A simile is a comparison using like or as. Example: His hair was like the golden sun.

Thanks! =D
I'm trying to improve, adding a little more details. But, I'm glad that people likes them anyway.


Chapter 9 is posted at my wordpress site!(More to come this Friday, hopefully!)

Chapter 10 is posted! And it's the end of volume two, but not the end of the series! Hopefully, I'll write more than I have. I only written a little of chapter 11 D:

its great very dark undercurrents but im enjoying it.
you can develop descriptions way more

I'm glad you enjoy it.

But, I know I need to develop descriptions, and more. I'm trying my best to improve. I'm not a professional and I will have mistakes and other flaws.